I can't believe the random stuff we discuss on msn messenger. It's all somewhat valid, interesting enough, but seriously, sometimes I wonder where it all comes from. Boredom? Hahahaha. Anyway, a couple of friends had a chat about family - parents in particular - and we what tell them, don't tell them and pathetically blatantly lie about.

The main topics of contention were salary, sex and future plans.

I personally don't understand why anyone would have a reason to lie to their folks about their financial situation - it's a case of you either have it or you don't. If you have to hide, pretend or even outright lie to your parents about whether or not you have money at the ripe old age of twenty-something, there's a serious problem with your relationship. Whether or not you're lying by omission or just lying about how much moolaaah you have or don't have so you can continue to sponge of your parents, or get out of helping out with household expenses.. it's all bad. Perhaps I'm just lucky? It troubles me sometimes that I feel bad when my folks offer to pay for anything for me - even though it might only be dinner a couple of times a year when we meet up. I somehow feel like they've done their bit for me and at twenty-six the least I can do is not live off them financially. I've gotten a lot of flack for my point of view mostly from my friends that still live at home with mom and dad in Asia. But there's the point of differentiation! They live in Asia, where parents are often slumped with the burden of supporting their working, adult children who still live at home and the poor parents just put it down to "culture". It is reassuring though that pretty much all my friends that have moved countries for university and stayed, seem to agree that it's quite pathetic to still be living off your parents when you've finished school and had a couple of years to find your feet. Or you're either too damned self-centered, lazy and greedy to build your own life, or are just plain pathetic and a disappointment (even though your folks would never tell you they think so).

Sex, or more the having of it is not something any of us speak of much with our parents. It's not just asian culture where women are still on some level expected to be virgins until marriage, but I really wouldn't know now would I. I can safely say that I don't have any friends that have to lie to their parents about their sexual activity, lack of, or wealth of. We've all had at least the conversation about contraception and being safe with at least one parent, if not both. It's not like we have the kind of relationship with mom and dad where we're comfortable with sharing a blow-by-blow account of our latest randy session, but we've never had to lie. It's just one of those things where the olds seem actively spout reminders of the importance of safe sex whenever they have any curiosity or concern, just to maintain that "you can talk to me about anything and I won't be upset" relationship - and they mean it too. This might sound harsh, but it's strangely true.. if you think you need to hide the fact that you're sexually active from your parents, you're the one with serious mental issues - go talk to a professional or something because you need psychological help. Just because you think you're a loose, worthless whore (or insert your choice of negative slaggy words) because you've had sex and you're no where near married, doesn't mean your parents think so (unless they're religious zealots that make you hide every possible inch of yourself and are likely to try to kill you for speaking out of turn..).
BUT It doesn't mean you have to rub it in their face either. Not a case of don't ask, don't tell cos that's just means you feel you have something to hide, but a little subtlety goes a long way.

I don't have much of a point of view when it comes to sharing the goss with my folks about my plans for the future. It just seems to happen by default. I don't really know if there's a need to share your future plans with your parents, as long as you include them in your present. A couple of my friends seem to think that if they did let their parents in one what they have planned, they'll get shot down, criticized, and a whole host of other not so niceties that involve judgement and grumpiness. Am going back to my being lucky with this one. For whatever reason (some say programming! hahahaha), I seem to use my Dad as a sounding board for my crazy travel, house-buying, job-thinking-of-switching plans. And yes, I sometimes seem to forget that international phone calls cost money. It's just a process I seem to go through - I have an idea or plan, I think about it, I google about it, I talk to friends about it, I talk to Dad about it.. okay debate with my Dad about it.. and after a few more cycles I figure out what I want. Can't help it, it's the programming.

Moral of the so-called story: There's no point trying to hide anything or lying to your parents. If you can't be yourself with them who cleaned your poo, why bother living at all. Yeah it all makes sense now, but hell it took us twenty-plus years to properly figure it out.