I've learnt that we often can't have what we want, often for lack of trying. How much should I need to try to get what I want? Or should my question be, how much should I need to try before it's better to just give up? How is the "much" quantified? Is it a matter of time, pride, love, effort, blood, sweat or money?

Would I be a simpleton, an idealist or romantic if I said I would give it all up to be completely happy and in love? I don't mean the fairytale where everything is perfect; life would be stranger than life then. I mean the almost real fantasy where adversities can and will be overcome, where we work hard to achieve our expectations of each other, where we argue and grow stronger and closer together, the reality where we truly believe the only thing we cannot affect is the frailty of life itself.

I don't know how to imagine me just being me anymore. I'm part of an "us". Our "us".

That said, I know somewhere in the puddles of my soul if I ever had to choose between keeping me safe from us, I've got the strength to. I'll break my heart before I lose myself, I made myself that promise. There won't be a me left to love once I'm gone, so I can't lose myself. No matter what.

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