I began writing because I had a moment this morning when I came down stairs and sat down with my laptop and Tigger and Kat were both heckling for me to feed them. I'd realised that I was not ready to have children. It was a startlingly clear thought. I didn't question it, or speculate or anything. I just knew. There were two cats wanting my attention and even though I should - there's the important word- have just gotten them some food, I didn't feel like it then. I would in a few minutes, but not right then.

I'm not ready to have children. Before Tim I didn't even entertain the thought that I might one day choose to have a child, but that's a whole other thing that I'm not going to get into. I'm still selfish, I put my wants before anyone elses. If I have children, they come first. Their needs and wants must come before my own. It's not some selfless era that a person sinks into where they put the world before themselves, but to have a child.. The responsibility to know that they aren't there for when it's convenient for you and when you want to have them around, but they come first, before all else, all the time. I'm not ready to be that selfless.

There are so many people out there that have children that really shouldn't have, and really don't deserve to be parents. People shouldn't have children just because it seems like a good idea, or because they think they're cute, or because they're afraid of being lonely in their old age, or because their friends are having kids so they should have them too. The world of people is often harsh and mean and children really shouldn't have to fight a battle at home too. Learning to live with the world outside is hard enough, but to have parents that really aren't ready to be parents that's too much to ask. We can't blame kids for what they are, parents shoulder that responsibility.