There's this huge possiblity that I'm seriously contemplating an eating disorder somewhere in the puddle that is my mind. The first steps have already been taken. 14 hours into this day, and my digestive system has been privy to five large glasses of water, a handful of potato crisps and a mouthful of low fat iced coffee.

The empty feeling in my tummy is growing, and I can't think of anything but. Okay, I'm lying about that last one, thoughts are doing their usual contortions and races about the small confines of my consciousness. I've walked to the fridge maybe five times in the last twenty minutes and each time I can't convince myself to eat anything.

I have yet to learn how to count in calories, it seems like too damned much to remember. There goes any support I'm going to get from the pro-ana movement - joke. I usually think of food, eat it, and sometimes feel really sick. Too much of anything is never great, but try convincing me mid eat. It never works.

Working on psyching myself into going to the gym this evening. It's just horribly discouraging to not be able to do what I believe myself capable. I bought Timmeh a gym membership probably with some hope that trying to motivate him to go will help me get my fat arse there. It hasn't worked. If anything it's been a waste of money and I feel blobby, ick and truth be told, absolutely disgusting.