Why do people cheat on their partners?

Maybe it's because they can.

---
My take is that people cheat on their partners because they aren't afriad of losing what they have.

I don't buy into all the bullshit about "there being something missing in the relationship" or "it's just sex". If there's something missing in your relationship, work towards finding out what it is and how you can fix it together. If it's just about sex, just ask your partner and have them want you back.

Cheating on a partner isn't just about having any form of sexual relations with another person, or god forbid, animal - ewwwww! It's also any relationship you form be it sexual, digital, emotional or mental where you share with someone else a bond, closeness or intimacy with another person. Having a sexually charged or explicit conversation with someone or sharing an intimate conversation is as much cheating as physically humping them.

By no means am I saying that the only person you can be emotionally close to if your partner. There just shouldn't be a reason to go outside a relationship for a need that should be fulfilable within it. If there's something you think you need that you're not getting from your partner or the relationship you have, ask for it. It might be difficult, there may even be tears, but anything that you want badly enough is worth working for.

I've learnt a lot of late. My take on things are often simple. Everyone deserves to be in a healthy, honest relationship. Anyone who cheats on you, doesn't deserve you.

Met up with the folks on Wednesday. A whole lot of walking around. Had fish head curry for lunch - of which I forgot photos. It's really not all it's cracked up to be, or I'm not that much of a fan. I'd rather have fish fillets in curry - no icky bits, and no bones.. and no icky looking face! Ewwww eating a fishy fishy face. I got to have stewed salted veges and that cabbage stirfry that makes me smile, so it all evened out. Mmm salted veges...

Had a good chat with the folks, the mother got some closure. She acknowledged that she wasn't much of a mum and other stories for other times. I left it where it was. I'm trying to leave the whole lot where it is - in the past. I'm not loving the dredging up memories to torture myself with. It's good that she's trying to deal with her issues, I don't want to get more involved than I have to.

Then more food... had steamboat, hainanese chicken rice and roast meats for dinner. The chicken rice was awesome - mmmmmmmmm awesome.. Ate way too much. Spent the rest of the evening hydrating. It was all yummy, but there had to be at least a half a kilo of salt and/or MSG in the food I'd put into my tum tum.



I was ready to fall over when I got back to Pingys'. Seems her brother had a table at Zouk for the night.. so we were going. Sleep. Wanted, no, needed sleep. Dragged my fat arse from the house at half 11, milled about outside Zouk for a good half hour waiting for people to arrive. Crikey, they're all so small and plastic - if I didn't know better I would say they lived on unrefined diesel fuel.

Zouk was packed. I was a chubby sardine in a can with shrimps and a Pingy. It was early Thursday morning and it was packed - these people either don't work or live on cigarettes to stay awake. Everyone here smokes, it's disgusting. Finally got to our table, played nice and said hi to people I didn't know. Drinks for the evening were on Han (it seems) - Chivas and some european vodka name of which I don't remember. Scotch and green tea is a surprisingly pleasant mix. Rounds of indian poker and too many trips to the potty later (yes I broke the seal waaaay too early), I that strange colour of deep pink and ready to fall asleep standing.

On the trip home, I had it in my head that I was peckish - so they decided we should have "mee mee goreng" - it's instant noodles cooked mee goreng style. It was surprisingly decent, or I was too sleepy to notice otherwise.

I remember telling myself to have a quick shower.. it didn't happen. I woke up remembering telling myself to have a quick shower.

T'was a long evil flight.. all five hours of it. I lie. It wasn't really evil, I was just tired from mentally imposed sleep deprivation - fucking awful stuff. And the worst bit of it is I'm not even sure why I'm having restless sleep.

There was in-flight "entertainment" and a surprisingly decent supply of pretzels and beverages. The flight wasn't full, which probably helped. For the first time in ages, the flight staff was friendly and accomodating - especially the tall guy with the receeding hairline that smiled a lot.

I rate Zodiac (the movie) as very very very and very average. It was slow and really didn't seem to achieve any level of suspense. I fell asleep well before the halfway mark and was so disappointed that when I woke up to the credit I couldn't be bothered rewinding to find out how it ended.

I gave Blades of Glory (movie) a go, and I feel absolutely horrible that I didn't get to see the whole of it. Seems the plane was landing, and there was some babble that the plane could crash if I insisted the entertainment system kept going. I was badly badly badly disappointed.

Collecting pillows off empty seats paid off during the start of my time on the flight. Think pillow-filled cushy goodness. Only downside was that I had to arrange the configuration of pillows each time I returned to my seat.

Singapore is icky humid. Not evil icky, but icky still. It seems it's unusually cool - with the pitter patter of rain and all. Yay for precipitation! Because I didn't get caught in it.

Yesterday night was mostly a write-off. I was tired. Pingy was tired. Her and Ket An took me to Mr Bean's for dinner. It turns out the old kopitiam in the triangular building that Dad used to take me to breakfast at before Girls' Bridgade on saturday mornings just outside Orchard Road is now a middle of the road cafe. Food wasn't awesome, but I was there for the company - and Pingy got to take her two little chubbsters along. They are SO cute. I might even post a piccie when I can be bothered.

And today.

Started today with takeaway nasi lemak wrapped in greased paper and token banana leaf courtesy of Pingy's mum - thanks Pingy's mum! It was definitely a pleasant surprise. I have to admit, I did wonder for a bit if my tum tum was going to be happy -strange food and all. It was pretty yum.

Spend the rest of today wandering Orchard Road. Heaps of things are different, but at the same time, a lot feels like it hasn't really changed. Singaporeans of my generation are more materialistic than I can ever rememember. Every second person seems to want "branded" everythings. It's as if the more advertising you can do for the huge fashion houses (and the smaller your bank balance), the greater your self-worth. I appreciate nice things, but I'm not willing to sacrifice any part of my happiness and comfort for "things". If something is not within my "on-whim" buying power, it's not something I should have to fork out for. Simply put, I want the lifestyle that supports drapeing myself in couture (think Prada, Gucci, Burberrys). Owning the bits that I can scrape together for myself simply will not do.

I got roasted chinese chestnuts! Okay, they might just be everyday chestnuts. Yummy everyday roasted chestnuts.

I have the folks planned for tomorrows brunch. I hope it all goes okay.

I'm twiddling with spending a couple of nights in a hotel - spending being the keyword. Hell it's $507 for a night at the Marriot! Owie! We'll see how it all goes. Might do on my last couple of nights.

Miss Tiggs and Kat.

Miss my Timmeh more.

Till next time.

I got a message on facebook from someone I haven't spoken to in a while. It was unexpected. I can't quite use "surprise" - in my world it implies positivity. This wasn't particularly charged with neither positivity or negativity - it was just plain unexpected. It made me think for a little bit. Was he someone I wanted in my circle of friends? The term friend is used so loosely these days - you meet someone, you talk to them a little, you don't find them particularly detestable.. Viola! They're now your friend. Adding a person as a friend on facebook doesn't seem like such a huge gesture, but it make me wonder if he was someone I really wanted to be friends with.

I thought better of it. Someone that made me learn what betrayal feels like is not someone I want to be friends with. Not even on an impersonal level like an online community. There it is. I didn't think of it before; I thought we could be friends - not the close kind, but still friends. I've realised that some choices aren't good for me, even if I make them with the best intentions. I don't have to be that big a person and try to make sure the other party doesn't feel too guilty. He doesn't deserve to be a part of my life in any capacity. Betrayal is not something I will forget. I'm proud and too damned stubborn.

I've learnt a lot about myself in the last couple of years. I'm not that much clearer about what I want, but I have learnt about what's good for me, and what I deserve.

I've probably said it all before, but I'm re-learning to believe I deserve to be happy. Surrounding myself with anything other than what's condusive to my happiness is no longer something I will consciously subject myself to.

Another new job. Sounds awful when I say it like that. I might have found something I half (at least!) enjoy. All this working full time is.. worky really. Spent almost a year in the first job, three months in the second and I'm into my third week of this one. Not ages, but long enough for me to feel like I've been there a really long time, and for everyone to seem to regard me as having been there a really long time.

There are heaps of people traits that annoy me. I've realised it's always the same things that irritate me; incompetence that is result of laziness, and shirking of responsibility. Some people I know will say it's because Australians in general embrace mediocrity. There was time I would have agreed without a thought, but it's one of those things.. the ones where a rotten smelly egg (or apple or whatever rotten thingy you like) spoils the bunch. And it's super-obvious in a small workspace.

I'm wondering now, which is worse, the Australians that do embrace mediocrity and can't be bothered to do anymore for themselves but complain that they'd been hard done by? Or the people that believe that Australians embrace mediocrity and therefore themselves don't have to strive for anything more and have become nothing more than pathetic? Attributing blame for your circumstance to anyone other than yourself is sad and cowardly. Staying in a job you're unsatisfied with trying to make yourself out to be a martyr by staying in a job claming they "need" you is the same thing. If you're unwilling or too damned lazy or afraid to make the change you want, you deserve your mediocrity. I learnt that. Lay blame where you like, it's never going to change that you're the one in charge of your happiness.

I digress, but I like where I am. Job satisfaction is a huge part of this chapter of my at present, poorly chronicled existance. I spend more than 8 hours of my awake time at work, so I'd really rather I enjoyed it. Maybe I even enjoy the poopy bits - when they're sufficiently spaced. There's nothing worse than being in a job that provides no challenge. Being bored at work is awful, it's worse than being angry; at least with being angry there's emotion - you know you're feeling. Bored is just emptiness, nothing, space. The void just breeds voidyness and voidyness breeds little voidy blocks that run around and stick the empty void in your face. It's all bad.

real.

I was milling about Facebook at lunch and chanced upon "Does anyone know what love really is??" on a discussion board. I thought about it for a bit and posted a reply. I'm not all sure if love is wordly describable. I want to say I know what love is, like really really really know. I think I do, but I don't know with absolute certainty. After all, I'm only closing in on a quarter of a century. There's supposed to be so much more to live and experience.

In this chapter of my book, love is simple - no complications, it just is.

I love my Daddy intrinsically even though I know I couldn't live with him. I love him because I do and I'll never know how to not. We might disagree, grumble, be completely apart but he's with me, he's my Daddy.

I love my Timmy because I've grown to. It wasn't *BAM!* I'm in love, more "this feels right", and "could it be?" Timmeh seems to be what I need. Stuff like challenge and support, frustration and encouragment, smiles and frowns. I'm learning him, and wearing my heart on my sleeve. I'm happy. We're a work in progress, and big picture, I like the way we work.

I love my teddys. They're always there for me. No cuddle too long, never too many tears, or too long an absence.

I love Tiggy because he's nutty, he's bouncy, he's a jingle-bot.

I love reading because I get to go away.

I love me. In spite of being a complete "but-face" when I'm talking about me, I've learnt to begin to love me proper again. I'm not perfect even though I want to be. I'll one day soon look the way I want to - I'm convinced I have at least 8kg of pure unadulterated fat to muush off my chubby yummy body. I'm not stupid, but I love that I embrace my dorky goodness.

The rest is all meta. Sure there are comforts. I enjoy my comforts. I relish my comforts. I want more, more to bask in, more to have. Big picture though, it all fades to nothing. There's what I love, and there's all else.

Me, love is what matters.

A was strange few months that by some counts may have made it a year, really depends on context. I'm not sure what happened. It was like a circle that turned into a spiral, my infatuation with fixing things. It was by no means a real "we're together" relationship. I say that because it was platonic, but with that bit that makes you just that little bit crazy - a bit too much like going around. I think we could have been pretty good friends.

It was an experience, not a regret, but I know I wouldn't do it again. I learnt a lot, it let me fuck with my mind too much. I have bigger trust issues now than I ever did. I've always been some bit of cynical and maybe a bit too much of cold when I'm scared or don't know what to do next. It's easier to just wallow and shut the world out. I'll come back when I'm ready. It's gone from a general distrust of people to, having serious doubts. Say I have self-esteem or self-worth issues if you will, everyone's got them, everyone doubts themselves sometime, whenever. I have the unfortunate ability to completely envelope myself in doubt and mistrust. It's hard to believe in fidelity. It's hard to believe that I'm enough. The grass is always greener right?

He was a decent friend, possibly even good. Maybe not. I'm trying to be kind, nice even. He fucked with our friendship. He fucked with us being honest with each other. I've managed to let that affect me. I didn't think it did. I suppose I'm not as thick skinned as I thought I was, well I know it. I'm possessive, I'm honest about it. I have a temper, I'm honest about that too. I care about people, I really do, that I don't share very much. I'm not too fond of my weaknesses.

He affected my mind. I don't like that. He's made me doubt myself, I don't like that. I need to remember that men and relationships come and go, but I'm stuck with me. I need to relearn how to leave.

Be upset. Feel the hurt. Get angry. Pack up. Walk away. Know that they didn't deserve me if they couldn't meet my expectations. I need to believe that again. I'm not always going to be here anyway. Second chances don't happen.

1. You're familiar with Neighbours, Home and Away, Playschool, A Country Practice, Norman Gunston, Barry Humphries, Blue Heelers, Ray Martin, Bert Newton, Lisa McCune, Jon Burgess, Number 96, Molly Meldrum, Kerry O'Brien, and of course, Kerry Packer and Rupert Murdoch.

2. You know that Burger King doesn't exist. It's Hungry Jacks.

3. You know that snow is a memorable and freakish occurrence. Sometimes it's even fake.

4. You know the difference between thongs and a G-banger

5. You know that "stubbies" are either short shorts or small beer bottles, a "gimp", "bogan" or "geezer" is a random idiot, someone in trouble is in "strife" and you're liable to burst out laughing whenever you hear of Americans "rooting" for something.

4. You know how to abbreviate every word, all of which usually end in -o: arvo, combo, garbo, kero, lezzo, metho, milko, muso, rego, servo, smoko, speedo, righto etc.

5. You know that some ppl pronounce "Australia" like "Strayla" and that's ok.

6. You know that there is a universal place called "woop woop" located in the middle of nowhere... no matter where you actually are.

7. You know that while we call our friends 'mates', we don't use terms like 'shiela' and 'shrimp on the barbie', contrary to popular belief.

8. You know that none of us actually drink Fosters beer because it tastes like shit. But we let the world think we do. Because we can.

9. You know that if a man has sex with another man, he's a homosexual, and (until recently), a criminal in Tasmania

10. You resent people who succeed over others- everyone should do the same thing, so we all get a "fair go"; a kind of 'American-dream' in reverse. This is why we actively like not liking Americans.

11. You've seen Gallipoli, Crocodile Dundee, Young Einstein, Muriel's Wedding, The Castle, Beneath Clouds, Strictly Ballroom, 40,000 Horsemen, and maybe even Wolf Creek.

12. It makes you happy when someone in Hollywood is actually Australian... Mel Gibson, Nicole Kidman, Russle Crowe, Cate Blanchett, Baz Luhrman, Elle MacPherson, Olivia Newton-John, Midnight Oil, ACDC, INXS, Greg Norman, Cathy Freeman, Dawn Fraser, Pat Rafter, Ian Thorpe...

13. One word: Skippy.

14. You know that Sydney 2000 was one of our proudest moments in history. We just fucking rock.

15. You know that you are not going to die of cholera or other Third World diseases (remote Aboriginal communities are a different matter)

16. You know our country has never been conquered by a foreign nation (you don't count 1788).

17. We know that the Metric system will always be better than anything inches, feet, pounds and farenheit will ever offer

18. You drive on the left-hand side of the road.

19. If you're a pedestrian and cars are stopped at a red light, you will fearlessly cross the street in front of them. 'Hit and runs' just aren't cricket. Because aussies stick together.

20. You think of Australia as being somewhat out of place within the Asia-Pacific region; surrounded by unstable ex-colonial nations who regard you as racist, imperialist, and unfairly wealthy.

21. You know that New Zealanders are basically our naive country cousins, who have a weird fush-and-chups accent, and for some bizzare reason, think that they invented pavlova. Bastards. They are to be pitied and laughed at. They have no hope of gaining the upper hand in the endless sporting rivalry between our two nations.

22. You know that you can't eat Fantales alone... Otherwise who will you play the 'Who am I...' game with when you're reading the wrapper?

23. You know that Sydney should be the capital because Canberra is a hole.

24. You know that Americans think we're all Steve Irwin clones. And crickey, they couldn't be more wrong.

25. You know that Lawyers wear wigs and gowns. And we make it look good.

26. You have some time in your life slept with Aeroguard on in the summer. Maybe even as perfume.

27. You feel obliged to spread salty black stuff that looks like congealed motor oil on bread... and actually grow to like it. You've also squeeze Vegemite through Vita Wheats to make little Vegemite worms.

28. You believe that democracy means the freedom to draw caricatures of good ol' Johnny Howard

29. You think footballers dressing up in drag on TV is funny (but your son being gay isn't).

30. You have the ability to compress several words into one - ie 'g'day' and 'd'reckn?'. This allows more space for profanities.

31. You've ever used the words - tops, ripper, sick, mad, rad, sweet - to mean good. And then you place 'bloody' in front of it when you REALLY mean it.

32. You know that the barbeque is a political arena; the person holding the tongs is always the boss and usually a man. And the women make the salad.

33. The private lives of footy and cricket players become more important than local and national news stories.

34. You say 'no worries' quite often, whether you realise it or not.

35. You know what fairy bread tastes like, and you can't imagine your childhood without it.

36. You know the first verse to the national anthem, but still don't know what "girt" means. And you're ok with that.

37. You've drank your tea/coffee/milo through a tim tam.

38. You know that backyard cricket is a nice way to bond with family and the rubbish bin. And the 'one bounce, one hand' rule always applies.

39. You know that we are home to the just about all of the world's deadliest of animals. That's why if anybody messes with us we'll get some funnel webs on their asses.

40. You see people walking bare-foot on the sidewalk and don't scorn.... because you're doing it too.

41. You know what trop-fest is and it makes you happy.

42. Sausage rolls and meat pies. End of story.

43. You firmly believe that in the end, everything will be ok and have offered advice that included the words, "she'll be right, mate".

44. You have a story that somehow involves an excessive consumption of goon... but you can't remember.

45. You own a Bond's chesty. In several different colours.

46. You've ordered a steak the size as your head and only paid $5 at your local RSL

47. You know that Italy should never have been granted that fateful kick in the 2006 Soccer World Cup.

48. You know how to slip, slop, slap like it's nobody's business.

49. You've heard the Prime Minister dismiss anyone who disagrees with him simply as 'un-Australian', and that's enough to make us sit down and shut up.

50. You know that the value of a public holiday is measured in terms of alcohol. God bless the queen and her 4-day birthday.

Thank Berni! It all makes sense now. Some people will never understand...

Probably maybe. We seem so far apart. No cuddles, not real ones. She's being overly sensitive. Why doesn't it feel the same as yesterday? She's losing her mind, making something out of nothing. He was probably just tired as he said he was. Why think otherwise?

I began writing because I had a moment this morning when I came down stairs and sat down with my laptop and Tigger and Kat were both heckling for me to feed them. I'd realised that I was not ready to have children. It was a startlingly clear thought. I didn't question it, or speculate or anything. I just knew. There were two cats wanting my attention and even though I should - there's the important word- have just gotten them some food, I didn't feel like it then. I would in a few minutes, but not right then.

I'm not ready to have children. Before Tim I didn't even entertain the thought that I might one day choose to have a child, but that's a whole other thing that I'm not going to get into. I'm still selfish, I put my wants before anyone elses. If I have children, they come first. Their needs and wants must come before my own. It's not some selfless era that a person sinks into where they put the world before themselves, but to have a child.. The responsibility to know that they aren't there for when it's convenient for you and when you want to have them around, but they come first, before all else, all the time. I'm not ready to be that selfless.

There are so many people out there that have children that really shouldn't have, and really don't deserve to be parents. People shouldn't have children just because it seems like a good idea, or because they think they're cute, or because they're afraid of being lonely in their old age, or because their friends are having kids so they should have them too. The world of people is often harsh and mean and children really shouldn't have to fight a battle at home too. Learning to live with the world outside is hard enough, but to have parents that really aren't ready to be parents that's too much to ask. We can't blame kids for what they are, parents shoulder that responsibility.

Fair bit. So much. Everything moves so quickly, and so slowly when you're paying attention. I'm not even sure when I last wrote any of my thoughts down. Maybe I've missed much, but maybe none of it was of that much note. I really don't know. I want to be sure of things, but I'm not sure I know how anymore. Out of control. I feel like I've lost it, misplaced it somewhere.

Moved from Cott. Now with Tim. Scares me still. But it's also kinda cool. Maybe. I think I'm still a little apprehensive. I don't know. It's good, but I always question when anything's positive. I hate me maybe. I don't know. It's all that bit strange when I have to think about how I see myself. Two completely different ends of the spectrum. I want the best for me, but a little voice screams that I don't deserve anything that's even vaguely good.

It's kinda nice having someone to come home to. It's a good feeling actually. To come home to someone, and have them tell you they love you. I so badly want to believe it all the time. Damn that screaming voice. I'm bored out of my mind with work. I've given myself a new title, "the glorified receptionist". I'm over-qualified for what I do. It's mind-blowingly boring. Pleasant enough crowd, half decent renumeration, I think I'll stick around for a bit. I might even end up staying there more than six months.

I see Tim everyday, but sometimes it feels like I don't anyway. We're around each other, doing completely separate things. I need more interests. Like real ones, not the "yeah, I like reading/writing/playing games" interests, but real interests.. things I actually want to do, feel passionate about. I'm really sick of milling around and flopping in front of the damned telly, mac or a good book.

Gaaaaaaah?

There's this large chunk of rock plummeting towards earth and you'd think they'd be some concern. There is. I'm sure there it. People are all interested in coming out to see it; it's supposed to be the brightest comet over our skies for over 40 years. The McNaught Comet is the name of the chunk of rock. I don't know who McNaught is, but he's probably really happy there's a rock that's suffering some serious attrition named after her or him.

Tim decided that we should go sit in the warmth that is dusk over Cott beach to try to see the comet continue its graceful, serene descent. There was a serious miscalculation with the warmth, there was little environmental warmth and it was a blustry evening with serious puffing from them windmakers. Tim was warm, but quickly became cool to the touch; there was almost teeth chattering. Dusk at Cott is still beautiful, I don't think I'll ever be sick of it. The blend of the colours, the sound of the ocean, the darkening of the horizon. The stillness of it all. The calm stills me. The comet was vaguely visible. It was sighted, mission accomplished.

If I have nothing to look forward to, there is but a peaceful quiet sunset over the ocean.

There is a perception that I'm a bit of a "tom-boy" as my folks would describe. It's not a label I would vhemently contest, labels are just as they are words. I get along with blokes well enough. I see myself as a pretty cheery laid-back kinda chick. I'm thinking some of my boy-friendly attributes:

• I'm cool to chill,
• I playing video games,
• drinks on the couch and watching nothing significant on telly is pretty good to me,
• dvds with drinks and greasy goodness finger food.. hmmm
• i'd give most things a go at least once,
• i enjoy (if not will tolerate) most sci fi series,
• checking out a hot chick, mm yeah.

I get along alright with most boys.. until we ended being anything other than just mates. I'm not sure what changes really, but it's like there's a switch flicked and I'm me but completely different. Suddenly doing "not much" just isn't enough, I don't just want your company. I want more. I want you.

I'm entirely sure when it happens. One moment we're good to just have dinner and watch dvds and the next you're in my head all the time. My thoughts gravitate to you regardless of what I seem to be doing. It's a slippery slope from there..

• I'm jealous,
• I need attention,
• I question what the relationship is,
• I question where I want it to go,
• I question what it is my boy sees in me.

The uncertainty disables my mind, my cohesive thought. It scares me.. badly. I don't appreciate the uncertainty. I don't appreciate the fear thaat I perceive to be weakness. I hate that I feel weak and out of control.

I do love how I feel in his company. I love how I'm completely relaxed. I love the subtle little touches we give each other.

I'm not sure I know how to live in my world when I have a boyfriend, a real boyfriend, not one where I kill it before it goes anywhere. The uncertainty disarms me, scares me, intrigues me. My tendency to fixate.. disarms me, scares me, intrigues me.

Me + boyfriend .. I'm still figuring it out. One step at a time.

x Clara