Thanks for the rousing commentary about my royal fatness. Thanks for the constructive one-liners like, "you just should eat less" and "you should do more physical activity", real new ground-breaking suggestions those, those thoughts have never crossed my mind! Thanks for your keen observation that I look different, that I look fatter, I never noticed it before.

I appreciate all the weighty words of motivation you shared. I appreciate that you needed to alert me to my fleshy appearance, lest I spring a leak and drown a small country in my opulent lipids. I appreciate the your stout call to action.

Thanks to your keen sense of perception, I am now aware that my appearance has changed. Thanks to your rousing commentary, I am aware that my clothes fit more snuggly than I'm used to and that I've been purchasing attire a size larger for the last few months. Thanks to your propensity to share your infinite wisdom, I only now notice that I'm fat - a thought that's never crossed my mind.

I am in awe that with all the experience you have working with young people, you managed to deliver your message with so much finesse and grace. A real motivator.

Without you man, I would never have realised how fat I am, weighing a whopping seventy-one kilograms and standing only at five feet seven inches tall. It's absolutely disgusting, being an australian sized 10 -12, all those rolls of fat.

Thanks dude. My fatness never crossed my mind.