So much in the everyday happens in a cycle, and those damned cycles can be mighty vicious. I'm willing with all the brain cells and whatever other cells that might even marginally affect will, that I can step out of any cycles I have that are vicious and therefore evil negative.

There's never nothing to spring clean, things can always be done better. Different better or better better is all interpretative, but better none the less.

I wanted to say that I need to learn to stick with things and finish things I start.. and realised that I do. I've managed a proverbial (or not!) final paragraph on everything major I've ever done. Some chapters could have been ended more tidily and with more functional punctuation, but it would be right if everything was clean, crisp and tidy - it wouldn't be me.

Wondering about my accomplishments or noncomplishments (I know it's not a real word, bleah!), it's easy to feel like I've managed to do nothing with my 25 years and some months. Achievements and accomplishments are interpretative and based on perception.. blah blah. Really though, should I be proud of the life I've lived so far?

The me that is now: 25, in a relationship with a man I'm pretty sure I'm in love with- love being that unquantifiable, seemingly illogical sentiment that makes me want to laugh and cry smiling at the same time, complete financial independence with which to soar or not soar, a want to travel and see the world but say I'm to lazy probably for fear of the unknown, life in a healthy but somewhat chubby body that I really should work on, acceptance that death comes to everyone and to not be afraid and to not live with regret, a little white car that I really should clean, a degree and a half in totally unrelated fields, a job that's okay for now.

I've realised the order in which I write of the the things I have probably have some psychological bearing on how important each is to me, but it's not something I'm willing to examine right this minute.

Sure, there are events and experiences along the way that got me to where I am that could have been different, or I could have affected in different ways. As peachy keen as skipping on the disappointment, pain and heartache might be, all my experiences make me me. No regrets, just learning. The challenge is to not let the negativity take me. And I know I've slipped and fallen on my giant arse on that one, but what's important is I keep finding the strength to get back up.

After this, therefore because of this.

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